One day at a time...

I have given in to my cravings for things entirely unhealthy for me... So, I am resolving to not buy that crap any more (or, let's be completely honest, not as often as I have been buying it) and make my lunch each day... I even bought special "bento box" style lunch containers to help me with this endeavor...

Breakfast today:
1 c. Vanilla Greek Yogurt
1/2 banana, sliced
1/4 c. Gluten-Free granola

Beverage of choice:
Stash Moroccan Mint Green Tea

Lunch:
1/2 Roast Beef bagel sandwich
Baby Carrots

Snack:
Dried Apricots
Dry Roasted Almonds

How to not be angry...

I've spent the last few months in various stages of anger... I've come to terms (sort of) with my impending divorce and how it's made me feel, etc. But, that's not what I'm going to write about today...

I've spent the better part of this day in various stages of anger... from irritated to frustrated to almost blind rage... Yep, I had it all today (aren't I lucky)... It started with a nice thing we like to call a winter storm... (I am so over the concept of winter, by the way).

I got up early as I had agreed to pick up a coworker from the automotive maintenance shop. I went to start my car so it would warm up and kind of thaw out before I left. While I was outside, the guy who plows our driveway was here. I started my car and proceeded to clear the snow from it so I could move the car (and he could clear my spot). As soon as I was done with my car, apparently so was he... grumble grumble... That meant that I had 6 inches of snow directly around my car (as he had done the rest of the driveway).

Before leaving my house, I broke ice off my wipers 3 times so that they would work properly... Which didn't work... While driving, I had to stoop low in my seat so I could see out of the clear part of the windshield (the bottom 4 inches)...

Then, on my way to pick up my coworker, it was school-zone traffic time on the main road to my neighborhood. I planned ahead and took the road that leads to a traffic light (rather than a stop sign), but I still had to sit in slow moving traffic for quite a while (there went my plan of picking up breakfast at McD's).

I got to the shop a little ahead of my coworker and, seeing that I had a bit of time and the parking lot for the shop was full, I parked in the lot across the street, which belongs to a Salvation Army-type store. I proceeded yet again to break the ice off my wiper blades. I finally got the one on the driver side of the car to work better than before (but still not quite perfect)... The one on the passenger side was just along for the ride.

I saw my coworker pull up, so I moved over to the shop's lot, assuming that all she needed to do was drop off the car and we'd be on our way... Nope! She had to go inside and wait in line, all the while I was blocking the flow of traffic in the parking lot (primarily because there was no place to park). I moved back over to the lot across the street, where they proceeded to give me the evil eye... So, I decided to basically park in the street with my hazard lights on... My coworker was in the shop for almost 15 minutes, basically due to incompetence on the shop's part... grumble grumble grumble...

Did I mention that this was at a time of day where the lighting was "just right" and you couldn't tell what had been plowed and what hadn't? (no shadows) Yep... The drive in to the office was "fun"...

My morning at the office was uneventful, for the most part. I got online to check my school forum and see if any of my teammates had posted comments about our paper that I was to compile and post last night (but didn't because a couple of the parts were poorly written - so poorly written that I had no idea what they were trying to say so that I could rewrite it in a way that made sense in the paper). No responses...

At lunch time, I had to venture out to get some dog food for Noni. Road conditions had not really improved from that morning... I had to break ice off my wipers again. I decided to get lunch at McD's (since I got screwed out of my breakfast) and I ended up getting stuck in the snow at the first window... Yep, I really hate winter... Got going again and headed back to the office, where my straw for my drink fell between the passenger door and the passenger seat... grumble, grumble, grrrr....

The afternoon passed almost as uneventfully... I got online yet again to check the comments from my team on the unfinished paper... Still nothing...

The drive home was no better than the morning... It snowed throughout the day, so city maintenance crews had difficulty keeping up... The road into my neighborhood was still pretty sloppy... I pulled into the driveway to see that the snow plow guy hadn't been back to get the snow that accrued from the day. This meant another 4 inches of snow on top of the 6 that was left around my car... I got out so I could shovel the excess around my car spot away... I ended up pinching a nerve in my low back which shot pain down my legs... I stopped shoveling as soon as I got around the first half of the car... I remembered to pull my wipers AWAY from the window after I parked in my spot (after cleaning more ice off them... seriously, what's with the rapid ice formation on wiper blades today?)...

I got inside and turned on my computer to check, yet again, if team members had posted anything... Nope... Nada... argghhh...

I posted a rather passive-aggressive message that I would submit the paper "as-is" and "the grade we get is the grade we get"... I also sent a note to the instructor following up on my message from last night explaining the delay in posting the paper... By this time, one of the "absent" team members proceeded to read me the riot act because she had never submitted a paper late before and I should have called her so she could submit "her" portion directly for grading (Ironically, her portion was one of the ones I had issues with... I haven't directly pointed that out to her, but if she reviewed the draft I posted for review, she would have seen that her entire contribution was highlighted)... It was basically a "damned if you do and damned if you don't" situation... If I had posted the poorly drafted paper for grading on the day it was due, and we got marked down for the quality of the paper, I would have been given the riot act for not allowing the group to review the draft before posting for grading... There was no "good" option in this scenario...

By this point, I'm really peeved...

Then, my roommate comes home with her 7-year-old boy... Who (unknowingly) is doing everything in his power to annoy the crap out of me... From the high-pitched cry of his mothers name, to his laugh, to his chatter about his school day... Also at this point, even Noni is pissing me off...

Now, after all the experiences of the day had built up to a time bomb waiting to explode... I was so stuck in my stories about the day that I could hardly think straight... My heart was racing, I was shaking (like I needed to eat, but I didn't because I had just eaten), and I could not find a nice word to say about anyone or anything... I had to close myself in my room so I wouldn't lash out at the boy...

So, why did I title this post with "How not to be angry" when all I've done is write about "How to be angry"? Bear with me...

A couple of years ago, before I got my "iPod" icon figured out on my phone and I needed to listen to "something" while doing homework at the library, I had downloaded a podcast for meditation. I found it helpful to focus my thoughts while doing homework... There were about 8 of them each lasting around an hour. I felt like I needed a bit of focus to get over my anger issues today, so I grabbed my phone and opened my "iPod" icon to listen to the podcast... It wasn't there... I couldn't find it anywhere! I logically assumed that, since I got a new phone and a new computer where my iTunes stuff is held, that I would need to re-download the podcast... Stupid Apple changed the format so now podcasts only work in their own "podcast" icon... Which I couldn't get to install on my iPhone... Reviews for the app complain of bugs that cause things to not download or not install... I was getting more and more incensed by the minute!

Finally, I said "screw it" and I started looking for a meditation album on iTunes to listen on my iPod  I found one (eventually) that was 18 minutes long. Most of the "songs" are 1-4 minutes (How are you supposed to meditate in that short amount of time?). I downloaded the long song and played it as soon as it downloaded...

I sat myself on my bed and drew my legs up in a comfortable seating position. I let my arms rest on my knees... I focused on my breathing... I let my mind clear...

I didn't need the full 18 minute track to relax and calm down... About 10 minutes did it... I wasn't shaking... My heart beat was normal... I no longer wanted to throw my dog through a window... I could stand the boy's presence and no longer wanted to strangle him...

After my meditation session, I was able to complete my own assignment that had been put to the wayside in favor of the team effort. I felt energized enough to stay up late to get caught up on reading my text books... All in all, meditation worked like a RESET button allowing me to focus in many areas of my life... I definitely must remember to take a break and meditate when I start feeling overwhelmed and stressed and irritated... Maybe then, I won't get so angry...

So, that is how to NOT be angry...

(By the way... the city snow plow guys came to do our street around 9 PM... leaving a 3 foot berm at the entrance to our driveway... the morning should be another "fun" one... I'll need to bring my earbuds so I can listen to my meditation track when I get to work... maybe start the day out on a better note than today)

Additional challenges...

I took advantage of my day off today to take my dog for a walk - we both desperately needed it... Although I immediately regretting it afterwards... My RA does NOT like the cold and by the time I got back home, my joints were stiff and my whole body felt like it had been put through the ringer... I know it is because it was around 25 degrees today... Movement is supposed to help the stiffness, not cause it!

With my additional life changes, and these new challenges that seem to affect my mobility, I have some difficult choices to make in the months ahead.

I am planning on moving out of Juneau and back to the "lower-48" by the end of summer... This goal gives me some time to take care of things here and save up some money for the move...

But, after today, I'm wondering if I should change my plans to someplace that stays warmer during the winter... I know that this change will make it so that I am practically dying in the summer (I don't handle heat well either), but I need to be able to move... If a warmer climate will help me to be more active during any time of the year, I'm willing to try it...

As luck would have it, I have a friend that may be moving to the Dallas area. I'm contemplating living with or near her, as she is currently pregnant with her first child and her husband is in the aviation industry (which means he won't be home a lot to help with the kid)... If I move to Dallas with them, I can help her with the baby and be able to keep my expenses down at the same time...

But, I know next to nothing about Dallas... I do know that Aaron and I tried to live in Texas twice (and both attempts failed miserably)... But, that was west Texas... Not Dallas... hmmm....

Other areas up for consideration are Denver and Salt Lake City... SLC is warmer, but it can still have some really cold winters... Denver too...

Maybe I should move back to Hawaii? I know that I didn't feel the RA pain as bad when I was there... I could probably put up with the constant summer if I am not experiencing constant pain...

Maybe I should look for something overseas? In another tropical area? I'm just not sure.. I'm just tired of being in pain all the time..

What do you think?

Getting back on my feet...

Since my last blog post, life has turned upside-down... My husband and I have seperated and are in the process of getting a divorce. As you can imagine, I haven't really been focused on "me" or "my health" for a while as I deal with this new adjustment...

I am getting settled into my new place (I rent a room from a nice lady) and am getting myself familiar with her kitchen. Last night, I was inspired to actually cook a meal (as opposed to just boiling a pot of water for pasta and adding jarred sauce to it)... It was very tasty and quite healthy, using quinoa and spinach. I posted the full process on my food blog that I share with my good friend, Jessie. It is an easy recipe and I recommend that everyone try it.

Today, I am focused on staying warm and fulfilled... It has been snowing here for 3 days now, so I decided to make soup at my office. It's another recipe I found online that I made a few tweaks to. I hope it is good (it is cooking right now)... Since it makes a LARGE crock pot full of soup, I decided to share it with my co-workers. Look for the recipe for the soup on the food blog. I will post it tonight or tomorrow...

Day #2

To be completely honest, I didn't do THAT great yesterday... After my morning calorie binge, I was doing pretty well until dinner. I made an awesome GF chicken stew and decided to splurge and get some decadent croissants for dipping... I know, the croissants are not GF, but I had a craving. I had every intention of only having one, but after that one, I really wanted a second. And after the second, I really wanted a third (and ate Aaron's second roll)... I really need to work on my self control! The stew was a little over 200 calories for a bowl, but the 3 croissants were over 700 calories!

Today has been a good day. Had some oatmeal and peaches for breakfast, turkey and cantelope for my mid-morning snack, and a tuna and spinach salad for lunch. I wasn't really craving my rice (and I found a package of Vanilla Oreos in my desk) so I decided to change up my "carb" for lunch. I know, vanilla oreos are not the BEST carb to be eating, but I was proud of myself for only having one appropriate serving (3 cookies). Calorie-wise, I'm doing great! Nutrition-wise, not so much...

My afternoon snack was a GF snack. I had some more sugar snap peas and I made little peanut butter sandwiches out of Schar Crispbread. I used only 2 crisps and about a tablespoon of PB, so it was fairly low calorie as well and a tasty snack.

Dinner will be left over stew. I plan on getting some more croissants, but I think I'm only going to get 2 for now (1 for me, 1 for my hubby). That way, I won't be tempted to eat nothing but bread!

If I'm able to control myself at dinner, I'll be able to splurge on dessert - 1 serving of either blueberry frozen greek yogurt or 1 serving of peach sorbet... The yogurt has about 10 more calories than the sorbet. I'll make up my mind later. But that will be a nice way to cap the day.

Getting back on track...

My birthday is this month.... I will be 32... I am tired of putting my health on hold while other things take priority in my life (school/work/etc). I am also tired of weighing around the 180 mark (my weight has been fluctuating about 5 lbs in either direction for a while now). Going by body mass index, I am clinically obese. Anyway...

When rooting around the back of my closet for something over the weekend, I came across a small, black binder. I had completely forgotten about a "diet" program that I purchased off the TV back in 2002 (when I was only about 30 lbs overweight). It is the original (or 2nd version, I think) of the 6-Week Body Makeover... Now, I'm not suggesting that my goal is to lose weight in 6 weeks ('cuz I know that's not healthy), but I am going to use my little black binder as a guideline of sorts. I need to get better at tracking what I eat and sticking to portion sizes and such. I also need to get better at not eating gluten (which is banned in the book anyway). The biggest change that I need to make is to NOT eat eggs. Egg whites are one of the primary proteins allowed in the book, but since I'm allergic to eggs, I won't be eating them. Tuna, turkey, and chicken are going to get very boring after a while (I predict).

The book also comes with an exercise plan that is twice a week using a resistance band... I remember not having problems with the exercises and my arthritis years ago, so I shouldn't have too much of a problem this time around.

In addition, I'll take advantage of my company's new lunch schedule where we get an hour and a half lunch 3 times a week. Today, I plan on swinging home and getting the dogs to do a quick walk over by the airport. By taking the dogs for walks at least 3 days a week, and doing the strengthening exercises 2 times a week, I'll already be better way off than I am now.

What is the first thing that I'm cutting out of my diet? Large Starbuck's Vanilla Frappuccinos... I didn't realize it until I plugged it into my calorie counter, but one bottle is 340 calories, which is more than my oatmeal and fruit (combined) that I also had for breakfast. Tomorrow, I'll have my mint green tea with breakfast. It's getting too cold to drink cold coffee anyway.

End of May

So, it's the end of May... I didn't exactly meet my budget goal, but didn't completely blow it up either.

In my quest for good food, I have started trying different gluten-free brands. So far, the one I like the most is Glutino. It all started with a package of Lemon Wafer Cookies that my mother-in-law sent me... The package was gone within hours... I have zero will power against the Lemon Wafer Cookies... I have to ration them, or I will eat so many I will make myself sick... again... (they are really really good)

I have tried other items from the Glutino brand and have been pleasantly surprised. They have a pretty good pretzel, good bagel chips that double as croutons for me, and they make a fake-oreo like no one else... Although, I prefer the vanilla oreo-type cookie, the chocolate oreo-type cookie is really good too. I didn't really care for the chocolate covered vanilla wafer cookies, but Aaron loved them. I have some chocolate covered chocolate wafer cookies still to try.

I'm still loving my quinoa pasta, but I found another good grain-blend pasta that comes in more "normal" pasta shapes, like penne. I forget the brand, but I think it is european. It is a rice/corn blend that has the taste and texture of a "normal" pasta and not the rice pasta... I made a half-way decent penne spinach bake with it the other night. I have some tweaking of the recipe to do before I post it here, but it wasn't bad.

Still loving the benefits of going gluten-free, although I do still get depressed some about the food I can't eat anymore... We've had pollen like you wouldn't believe here in Juneau (so bad you can see swirls of it on the water and you can see the layer of it on your car) but I haven't had any bad allergic reactions to the pollen like I normally do. House cleaning still gives me some allergies, especially if I use the carpet deodorizer before vacuuming my floors. The carpet deodorizer makes my house not smell like dog, but it sure does make me react. I've tried using just Baking Soda to deodorize my carpets, but it doesn't work as well as the other stuff.

Another benefit is that everyone tells me that they can tell I've lost weight... While this is AWESOME, I am still afraid to get on the scale to see how much I've lost... My clothes are not as tight as they used to be, but I'm not down a size.. I'm guessing that I haven't lost more than 10 lbs. Probably less... But, that's just me being pessimistic.

The weather hasn't really been cooperating with me so I can exercise outside with my dogs. I know that taking Lijha for a bike ride or a long walk will benefit us both, but it doesn't seem to work that way. When it is nice outside, I am usually so bogged down with school work that I don't have time to go out. When I have the time, it's usually raining sideways and neither of us want to go out in it... I guess this is what I get when I live in Alaska instead of Hawaii... At least in Hawaii, the weather was pretty predictable.